Pete Hegseth’s upcoming nomination for Secretary of Defense has proven to be an embarrassment for President-elect Trump. Hegseth’s personal life is being put on show for the world to dissect, which is very humiliating for Donald Trump. Even deeply personal family conversations are being highlighted for public display, leaving Donald Trump feeling very exposed. Things are so bad, Trump is even thinking about going with Meatball Ron “Tiny D” DeSanctimonious instead.
The American people deserve clarity about the accusations against Pete Hegseth, so let’s set the record straight.
His mother is a liar. She hates him and always has hated him. You just can’t trust a person’s mother to be objective.
The Party Girls liked it. The Not Party Girls complained because they were jealous they couldn’t get any.
“Kill all Muslims” is the America First thing to do.
Dancing on stage with strippers and having to be carried into your hotel room because you’re so drunk is called a good night, you squares.
For anyone who still insists on claiming that Hegseth is some kind of drunken, abusive monster, Pete has now come forward to promise that he’ll stop drinking and he’ll change if you just give him another chance. Which is very generous of him. He doesn’t have to do it. In fact, considering the way America has treated him, you don’t even deserve him. You’ll never find someone better than him who will put up with your nonsense. So unless you’re stupid, you’ll shut up already and put all this in the past.
Hegseth promises that he’ll quit drinking if he is confirmed as Secretary of Defense. If you just give him what he wants, he’ll be different, this time. He’ll wake up a 3:00 am to change the diapers and be there when you need him. It’s not like he’s a drunk. He can quit drinking anytime he wants. He just hasn’t wanted to, yet. But he will. If he is confirmed.
In the meantime, all of these outrageous accusations have been really stressful on Pete, so you’ll forgive him for trying to relax with a beer.
Leave a Reply